Staring too much at our reflection when we could have been re-flecting...

Dear Diary,

Whilst I confess, I am still as vain a bitch as I ever was, lockdown has got me thinking a hell of a lot deeper about life as we know it or, knew it. Sure, I appreciate more than ever the true value of that £25 per month to achieve beautiful henna brows, aiding me in my inability to draw an angle to my brows and giving me an outline like a child who gets an adult to draw the outline for us to colour in. I still do not appreciate however, that at 25 I am going grey and I am coming @ anyone who has ever put me in a mood (easily done, eh xo) because I am aiming full blame towards you for me greying so prematurely in life BUT, I have come to accept that I, Lauren, am sadly, going grey... Who am I kidding, I have bought 2 brown root sprays and on the hunt for better, ain’t no grey hairs to see here nooooo sir! I might be appreciating life rn but as if lockdown is gonna make me accept I’m going grandma white at 25, I think not hun.

Life as we knew it has obviously changed and we don’t know how long our life is going to be altered for and until then we are almost kind of just existing. We can’t see friends, family, partners, kids and even just those social interactions when the woman behind the till in Primark says bye to you when you’re 100 quid down and into your overdraft, god do I miss those interactions. I admit, I wasn’t one for truly appreciating my freedom before all this. I would get a lift to and from the gym and hated walking... but now, suddenly all I crave is walking for miles, breathing in the fresh air (assuming nobody coughed in it 2 seconds before, obvs) and just taking in my surroundings. I may have not taken full advantage of my ‘freedom’ to roam before but I miss my choice in how I spent that freedom. Lockdown has given me so much to reflect upon and I am certain that I will be coming out lockdown more thoughtful, kind, have more self-love, forgive more and be grateful for every damn moment that I can be within close proximity to others once again, even if it is a Susan behind the till.

I miss going to the gym and, even though I did it alone, I miss just seeing regular faces and seeing others with a mutual passion. I have been sticking to home workouts and ensuring that lockdown does not win in taking me physically as it has tried to mentally. Sure, I may not get as strong of a mental health boosting benefits from working out in a small set up in the living room (ps. Thanks mum for letting me kick you out when the pre has kicked in and I need to bash your nice flooring in with my weights xo) and my anxiety is shaky ATM, but I have never liked my reflection more than I do right now. I used to over criticise my reflection. I was either too bloated, spotty, psoriasis was disgusting, saggy skin is like Mr Blobby melted on my abdomen, freckles are ugly etc. All these were common thoughts swirling around my head on the regular- BUT NOT ANY MORE! Due to not having to get dolled up for anywhere (I refuse to waste my Giorgio Armani foundation on an essential shop ok, that shit isn’t cheap) I have been faced day in day out with my ‘real’ reflection without all the safety nets and yano what, I kinda like it. If you can come out of lockdown feeling anything, try let it be self-love because it not only radiates within you but it attracts others to you (kinda helpful if you’re on the hunt for a new man tbf)

When this is all over lets go out more with friends, visit your grandparents, do family days out, go on exciting adventures with your partner and enjoy every single second of it because if corona has taught us anything it’s that we only have 1 life and that can be taken away or be controlled by something sooooo quickly. Laugh often, tell those closest to you that you love them more and make lots of memories because one day, those memories are all someone is going to have.

Appreciate life. We only get 1 shot at it so let’s make it tequila slammers!

Much Love, XOXO